Memory is a Deceitful Bitch

Yesterday I went to Hangzhou to hang out with Beard, and saw on Moments that F was volunteering at the same event as Beard, so we arranged to meet for dinner. The food was good, perhaps because of the wait. We found a Hangzhou cuisine hole-in-the-wall restaurant. Since we came from different places, Beard and F arrived at 5:30, while I arrived at 6:30.

After I arrived, F kept saying he had waited a long time, waited for me a long time, complaining about fatigue and waiting. I'm never good at responding to such complaints, especially when the complaint is about me. My negative impression of him deepened, possibly because my original impression was already negative.

F, a pair of twins, and I were an inseparable group of four during our first and second years of high school. We talked and complained about various things at school together. In the summer of '22, we even went out together. Then one day, the three of them stopped hanging out with me. I didn't understand, but four years have passed, and I've completely let it go and accepted it.

On the way back after dinner, I brought this up with Beard again, including my negative evaluation of F's remarks that day. Beard told me that when this happened, the other party said it was because when they celebrated my birthday at my house, they didn't give gifts, my mom said they were not good and told me not to play with them, and then I personally relayed this.

Actually, I don't know how to interpret this now, but when I heard this news, I was shocked. I have no memory of this at all. I'm not someone who loves receiving gifts, and I'm not a complete mama's boy who obeys parents.

Then I fell into deep thought, and past memories began to surface along the clues. It seems there was such an incident, and there were some unpleasantness during the trip (also reminded by Beard), and for a period I had severe anxiety somatization that seemed related to them. Today I can't verify exactly what happened; the WeChat chat records seem to have been deleted during that emotionally bad time. I also can't confront the other party about this past event.

Memory is a deceitful bitch; she comforts you with the warmest words. Memory tells me that the three of them inexplicably stopped playing with me, but what's the truth? No one knows the truth anymore. I have already sentenced them to death and will not place any more expectations on them. But is this right? Can I judge this relationship from such a condescending position?

I ruminate, I regret. But what can I do now? Do I need to change anything? Or just accept the seduction of the green tea bitch. For myself, this might be the happiest ending. I'm not resigned; people should understand and accept each other.

But I always push people away.